Today has been an interesting day. I find myself in one of those deep thinking moods. You know the ones, where you're not quite depressed but you're not your normal giddy self. The moods where everything around you seems to send you into thinking about something. My mind has been a jumble of racing thoughts and all I want to do is sit on the grass and sort them out. But unfortunately it is raining and nasty outside, so as I stare out the window in the caf my thoughts keep racing in my head, tripping over each other, and crashing into a mess of words, and incomplete sentences. A text message conversation I had with my boyfriend was the best way I've been able to sort out my thoughts all day.
Now i am laying in the sun
11:28AM Wed, Apr. 13
From: boyfriend
Jealous it's raining here
11:35AM Wed, Apr. 13
From: Me
Not bad
11:35AM Wed, Apr. 13
From: boyfriend
I know but all I want to do is lay down on the grass and think about life and try to make sense of my jumbled thoughts
11:36AM Wed, Apr. 13
From: Me
Explain
11:37AM Wed, Apr. 13
From: boyfriend
Well if its jumbled you can't really explain it can you?
11:38AM Wed, Apr. 13
From:Me
Try me
11:38AM Wed, Apr. 13
From: boyfriend
I mean its jumbled that if I texted it and wrote it down it wouldn't make sense its more of a running commentary
11:42AM Wed, Apr. 13
From: Me
About
11:42AM Wed, Apr. 13
From boyfriend
Life..what I want to do with my life, other peoples lives, what we percieve our world to be but at every stage of life our perception changes and living here in america we're blessed. And no matter what our world, as real as it is to us, isn't the real world that a million other people are living. We don't have to worry about food, war, shelter, excessive beating and murder that people face everyday in some third world country. And how much I just want to help and make a change even if that's for a single person and I want to do it now. But at the same time I have to be realistic and I am doing things that matter and i'm taking classes trying to do non-profit and do social actions. I want to go to india and work intern over a summer with MUST and I'm thinking of being in the peace corps or something similar after school maybe before graduate school but at the same time what if I'm just saying all of this but I don't actually do it. What if I'm that naivee girl with all these great thoughts and wishes and good intentions but was raised in a well to do family in the suburbs and truly has no idea about the real world. And that no matter what she does nothing is going to change. But at the same time I'm not naivee I know changing the world is impossible and it's a process that'll take longer then my lifetime. But all I want to do is make an impact in someone's life and I'll be happy. And without those naivee people with those great thoughts where would the world be? I know I should be worrying about school and this year and not what is to come. And I have a lot more to learn and experience about this topic but I don't want to sit here in this comfortable life and do nothing about it. I'm probably jumping the gun but I want to do something now. I'm just not quite sure what.
11:59AM Wed, Apr. 13
From: Me
I think it's interesting that you don't think it's possible to change the world. To me, if you believe that you have impacted one person, changed their beliefs or mood or wardrobe or any miniscule, insignificant detail, you've altered them. If you've changed something about someone, you have effectively changed the world, regardless of how small the impact. Never doubt your capability, Beka. You, my dear, are powerful.
ReplyDeleteEven if you're still just figuring it out.
this is quite unresponsive, but DITTO. seriously. you have no idea how much you've changed my life just by being friends with me.
ReplyDelete