A Blog Post of Bad Decisions

My friend, Jericho, and I are sitting around our normal round table in the dwelling of  the Courtyard Cafe. A normal occurrence of ours. Another normal occurrence is being  kicked out of the Campus Center at midnight. I pity the people who stay here attempting  to get some homework done, because we talk way to loud and laugh obnoxiously, actually  that's only me.  


Sometimes Josh Plattner decides to grace us with his divine presence. As I speak this  Jericho makes a puppy whimper noise along with "awww Josh". You can tell how his presence  tonight is deeply missed, pouty lips follow. Jericho and I have sent texts to our divine  guide and he is not responding, so we have deducted that he must be off making out with  someone *cough cough* oh sorry, a little phlegm there. But enough talking about Josh. Let  us move on to out main  topic conversation. Gay Vampires. 


 That is right ladies and gentlemen. Gay Vampires, and it gets better. Gay Vampires in  love with Jesus Christ.

 "I wanted Jesus. That's how it started. Yes, the Jesus they built a religion on, the one  they say rose from the dead." 

Yes, I was being serious. There is a novel called Vampire Vow by Micheal Schiefelbein. (I  will give a cookie to anyone who can correctly pronounce that because I sure as hell  can't.) So the novel is about the Victor Decimus who is a Roman Solider during the time of Jesus Christ. But Jesus doesn't return his affection so to spite him and Christianity Victor becomes a Vampire. It's actually quite interesting. I read an excerpt of the novel an amazon and I was actually quite impressed. As an avid reader or trashy romance novels I know when the writing is just trashy romance writing or when it has some substance behind it....actually I take that back it's just a trashy romance novel.

" "Forbidden to whom?" I asked. I could hear him weakening, see him eyeing my strong calves, my bulky thighs. It was hot and I had thrown off my tunic off to tempt him. Nature had given me a square jaw, a cleft chin, a dark mane, eyes that could bring a vestal virgin to her knees -- and a cock that could keep her there."

Mhmmmm anyone else turned on by that? hmmzzz? Nope, okay so no one is turned on by that. But it was hilarious to read. Though I do have a question....how in the world did this book get published? Could you imagine pitching this book to a publisher?

You: Soooo I have this book.
Publisher: Mhmm-hmmm?
You: Yep I think you'll enjoy this one. It's a vampire romance novel, people eat those up today.
Publisher: *nods* mhmm
You: Full of violence, blood lust, hot passionate sex.
Publisher: Keep going
You: He's also in love with Jesus Christ


Yep. That's definitely a one way ticket out of a publisher's office. I'm not sure which is more shocking. The part where the protagonist is in love with Jesus Christ or the part where the protagonist is gay. Or perhaps it is the combination of the two. 


What I also find amusing is that in he novel when it fast forwards Victor is now living in a monastery and falls for Brother Micheal, and attempts to turn him into a vampire. Does anyone else see a connection between the names Brother Micheal and the author Micheal Schiefelbein. We now know the authors deepest fantasies. To be seduced by a vampire who had fallen in love with Jesus Christ and then be turned into a vampire and fight against all odds. Sounds oddly like my fantasy... not at all. 


While on the topic of the author, he is a professor at Memphis Tennessee. Could you imagine being his student and google-ing his name. I feel that it would go something like this. 


Scenario 1
Student: Hmmm since I'm a creepy stalker I will google my professors name. *types away at the computer*   Vampire Vow? What is this? *reads and jaw drops* WHAAAA?? oh my god!! *#@$$#*@%$*&


OR


Scenario 2
Student: Hmmm since I'm a creepy stalker I will google my professors name. *types away at the computer*   Vampire Vow? What is this? *reads and jaw drops* This is so HOT!


I sorta want this guy as my professor. And I'm actually being serious for the first time in this whole post. 


As I ponder more about this novel, I wonder if this would be acceptable for my religion class. In the class The Bible we are reading about Jesus and the gospels. I think this would be a good outside source for a paper. I mean after all the author actually did some priesthood thing. For some odd reason I don't think my religion prof will appreciate this text as much as I do. 
"The reason that Jesus lived and preached in the desert is because he was running away from a Roman Solider that was in love with him."

A+ quality right there. 


I feel that this novel also give you a new approach to coming out. 
you: Guess what? I'm a gay vampire!
person: Really?
You: Weeeell...I'm not a vampire.


And with that I shall leave you my faithful readers.