Parents
Remember when you were young and you idolized your parents? That no matter what they do they were perfect in your eyes. You looked up to them for everything. Any praise they gave you, you clung to tightly storing it in your mind. That whenever you disappoint them you feel like your world has changed. So when do these people you idolize become just like everyone else? When you begin to realize that they are human just like you. That they have faults, and problems, and don't make the best decisions.
One of my closest friends is dealing with this issue. And I remember telling him that you grow up and you begin to see the world differently and you begin to see the faults in your parents. You remember them as being the person you looked up to, that was perfect in your eyes and now you don't see them like that anymore and your brain is trying to connect the dots but it can't. Your parents change over time, we like to believe that people stay the same but they don't and we need to understand that. And while your parents have changed you have to understand you have changed also.
I suppose when I began to see my parents differently was in middle school. When that naivee little world I lived in came crashing down all around me. And the view of the world changed for me and I had to grow up. But I wanted to protect my parents. I spent my whole middleschool and highschool life trying to protect my parents in my own way. Trying to protect them from the truth that their little girl was growing up and that she was going through a hard time. That she was facing challenges on her own and forming her own beliefs. Even now I find myself trying to protect them from who I am. Because what I want them to remember is the little girl who believed that the world was perfect. Who had no worries, who believed everything she was told. Who had no problems other then the ones she created in her imaginary world with her beanie babies. And I think my parents tried to do the same thing in their own way. I can't be naivee and say that they never noticed, because they noticed and that's why we fought all the time. I can't actually say what my parents were trying to do. I want to say they wanted to live in their delusion that everything was fine, but that wasn't it. I want to say that they wanted to understand and try to talk to me, but I'm not sure that is completely correct. But I do know they wanted to protect me and I wanted to protect them and because we never communicated we lost a lot.
Same-sex marriage
Today I read the most interesting article on same-sex marriage. It was about how same-sex marriage would affect the views of people in same-sex romantic relationships. Now that marriage is becoming an option for LGBT people it is becoming an important issue in LGBT communities. First off it'd make it more real to both people who are in the relationship and people who know the couple. Now that marriage is an option a lot of couples are feeling a sense of more (as they described) "realness" in their relationships. It's beginning to reach a new level of a deeper commitment. Not only that but people, friends, family, bosses, and the government, are going to have to take them far more seriously because they are legally husband and husband or wife and wife. Second of all when looking for a romantic partner now what they're looking for is changing. Those who want to settle down and get married are now dating people thinking would this person make a good spouse or a good parent. Those who don't want to get married now have less of a pool to choose from. And then those who are in a committed relationship and who plan to get married are having issues with gender roles. For example there is a lesbian couple who wants to get married but the proposal is the problem. They both want to be the "girl" in the relationship and want the other person to propose spontaneously. A gay couple both want to have a traditional Jewish wedding but are having issues with the gender roles and who should do them with breaking the glass and traditional the bride would walk around the husband seven times, but who is the bride in this case since they are both male?
This article is interesting to me, and I never thought of it like that. To me I always wanted to settle down with someone I suppose I figured same-sex marriage would be allowed by then or that a commitment ceremony would suffice. But I never got in a relationship that seriously to have to worry about that. And now that I'm in a relationship with a male, if it ever got that far down in the line, I wouldn't have to worry about any of that. In this heterosexual norm society we grew up in we already know to look for a spouse in the other person when we begin to date someone seriously. We don't ever notice the gender roles that take place in weddings because there is a man and a women and that's something we don't have to question or worry about. This article just made me think about a lot of things.
Feminism
If anyone hasn't noticed already, I'm a bit (A LOT) of a feminist. And today I was talking about it with my boyfriend. He gets uncomfortable when the topic comes up, not because he doesn't support it because he does fully, but he feels that there is anger directed at him because he is male. Plus he has this girl at his school who makes a big deal out of it and tries to fight him all the time saying men are the evil of the world blah blah blah. So I told him that next time she tries to fight with him just say I'm a feminist. And interesting enough he said he would but he was very unsure about it. I eventually got him to talk about it and he didn't want to say that because then that would identify him as a girl, which shocked me a little bit. But it's so true. We have this view of feminist that first off they have to be girls. They have to be angry all the time. They have to be outspoken. And they have to hate men. And none of these things are true at all.
First off feminists don't have to be girls they can be men. As long as you believe that women should be treated as equals to men, and should be respected by men you have became a feminist in my book. We need men to start saying that they are feminists and to bring awareness because no one listens to a women who says they are a feminist instead they force these labels on her and ignore her. This kinda ties into the idea of privilege (look below). Men have more privilege then women and they have to recognize that so they can use their privilege and help us fight for our privilege and equal rights. No one listens to a group of women talking about women rights, but if it was a group of men then maybe someone would listen.
Second of all feminists shouldn't be always angry. Yes, it's okay to be angry and to say your point of view. But if you're always fighting and always defensive no one is going to listen to you. Instead you should say what you have to say and walk away if the other person gets defensive because you've given them something to chew on and that's enough. If you fight them no one is going to benefit.
Third of all, feminists should not hate men. Hate is just an ugly idea to me and no one should hate anyone.
Privilege and Oppression
An interesting thing talked about for awhile has been privilege, I didn't go to the white privilege conference but I've heard a lot about it and sorta just chewed on it. And someone once said you need to understand the privilege you have and identify the privilege you don't have to start to understand the problem. And if you have a higher privilege then someone you should use your privilege to help them. Such as in my feminist example, we need who have the privilege to help women get their privilege. We need the rich to help the poor. We need the heterosexuals to fight for same-sex marriage. Etc.
Not only that but then there's oppression and how oppression today isn't talked about in an outward fashion but is secretive. Like we say there is no racism, but then why did different ethnicities stick together? Why do we have a ghetto? And why when we see someone's skin color we make assumptions and stereotypes without meaning to? Because racism still exists.
What I think is most interesting is when our privilege becomes our oppression. My boyfriend tonight said he hated it. He hated being white and being a male because everyone blames him even though he didn't do anything. He is blamed for everything the Europeans and Americans have done before even though he's never done those things. And because he's male people tell him he treats girls like crap or blame him for all of male's superiority when that's not him at all. I just find it so fascinating. While it's totally okay to think like that and I believe it makes for good dialogue the next step. Is too accept your privilege because fighting it isn't helping yourself or anybody else, and to understand that you have it and use it to help other people.
Abortion
I am pro-choice. That does not mean that I am all for abortion. I think it's interesting that people hear those words and jump straight to that conclusion. Abortion is the last thing I'd tell someone to do. I would never ever think about having an abortion. And if someone was thinking about having an abortion I'd try to talk them out of it and talk them into adoption. But I do believe that there should be a choice. That women shouldn't have to jump through all these legal loops that make it almost impossible to have an abortion and that when they can't do it legally they do it in a way that is dangerous to themselves.
Women's sexuality
And in an odd way abortion makes a connection to women's sexuality. Mainly that the law is trying to make all these laws and regulations on women's bodies without talking about the man issue. Women and Sex. My friend brought up this point today and I thought it was brilliant. It's so true. If women are getting pregnant obviously they are having sex and they should learn how to do it safely and with protection. Not only that but women are sexual being also, we don't call a man who sleeps around a whore but we call a women one. That is not right. First off what you do in your bedroom is your business and your business alone. If you feel inclined to tell someone then you should be able to do so without judgement. Women, sex, and masturbation should be talked about more freely. More interesting is the fact that most women have no idea about their own anatomy. Where is the article in cosmo that talks about how to please a women instead of how to please a man? I didn't have the sex talk with my parents I had to figure out everything for myself, and even though it would have been soooo awkward, I should have had someone to tell me about my own anatomy. Not only that but why is men masturbating something no one bats an eye at but the moment a women does and admits people get awkward. I think it is something we should talk more openly about and should be more comfortable with.
Culture
Never before this year have I thought about my culture. My father is Costa Rican so I'm half Hispanic, but my mother isn't and we never spoke Spanish in my house. We didn't grow up in that culture. I just use to check off the box that said Hispanic when asked what my ethnicity is. But I never really thought about it or lived it. When it came to family reunions on my dad side everyone was speaking Spanish and I'd just go downstairs and hide until it was done. I rejected a lot of Hispanic culture now that I look back on it and it makes me sad. Now that I'm here at Gustavus I'm meeting people who actually speak Spanish go to all the cultural events and it makes me wish that I had learned when I was younger. I'm finally feeling this cultural disconnect. The other day someone told me I should just identify with white and I just wanted to say, but I'm not white! I'm Hispanic! But do I have a right to claim that? It's something a lot of bi-racial people have to deal with and I'm finally feeling the affect of it. Next year I'm going to Costa Rica for J-term ((hopefully *crosses fingers*)) and the majority of the reason is because I want to feel some cultural connection. I want to see the place where my dad is from. I want to learn Spanish now and be able to speak to my grandparents in Spanish. It's not fair that they have to speak English to me when they're older. I'm younger I'm the one who is suppose to bridge that gap not them.
Today, May 3 2011, has been a day of deep thought and life. And I loved it. Here is a beautiful picture to leave you with for the night.
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