Hour Drive

This spring break has been interesting to say the least. There was a lot of revelations of who am I. Yesterday I took an hour long drive just to get out of the house. I had no idea where I was going all I wanted was an empty road, my car, silence, some low key music, and time to figure things out. I put in some Taylor swift and started to take back county roads to make sure the roads were mostly open. At first I just found myself staring at the scenery just watching it pass by, just like most of the events in my life seemed to pass by. For the middle of spring/winter/weird Minnesota weather it was quite beautiful. There was a bit of green and still a bit of snow. I passed by some farmland, cows, and horses. I drove to the town next over and drove past my boyfriend's old house while attempting to turn back around on the street to get back to my city. I took a back road and took some turns and soon realized I was so deep in thought that I never noticed that I had taken these turns and I was lost for a good twenty minutes just following the road till it spit me out in a familiar place, which was ironically once again the town next door.

I had to figure some things out for myself. I love my parents, I want to say that now before you continue to read. I love my parents and I'm glad for the way they raised me, but we rarely ever see eye to eye. My mother and I got in a fight while I was home during spring break. The fight was over church and how I refused to go to the church my family goes to, I'll go to any other church just not that one. And I have my reasons but my mom wasn't taking that. She threatened to take away my privileges to see people while I was home and my open house for graduation, and I was actually okay with that. That is how much I did not want to see two certain people at my church. Well my dad came upstairs and we had a chit chat ((and he is such a puppy)) in the end he said that he didn't agree with what my mom said and that if I didn't want to go I didn't have to. So of course I didn't go and when my mom came back from church and my dad and I returned from going to the swan park in town I noticed my mothers cold attitude towards me. She refused to talk to me. Obviously I couldn't handle it so I told my father I was going to go to a friend's house and instead I took an hour drive, I didn't mean for it to end up that way but it did.

While driving I thought a lot about my relationship with my mother. My mother and I are extremely alike, which is why we get along great when we're not fighting. Once one of us gets upset the other goes off also. We fight head on when we disagree. I always thought we were the same, and that scared me. I love my mother, but I never want to be like her when I'm a parent. That's my biggest fear, I never want to be my parents. I'm not saying this because they were horrible parents, because to be completely honest they weren't. They were just fundamental Christians and raised their children as such, but I want to raise my children to be open minded, and not be conventional and normal like everyone else. I always feared that in the end I would act the same way my mother did and be a clone copy of her parenting. But while I was driving in that hour I realized that I am nothing like my mother. I don't use anger and threatening to get my way. I'm not closed minded, I'm extremely open minded. I care about people and social justice more than she ever has. I won't use a person's greatest weakness against them. I also try to understand where another person is coming from and actually listen.

I know I just made my mom sound like a horrible person, but she's not. She's extremely loving. But she has flaws, all of us do. I don't think she does any of that intentionally, at least I hope she doesn't. I give her the benefit of the doubt because if I did any of those things it wouldn't be intentionally.

My mom and I are finally talking again during break. There's still a bit of tension but we're getting over it. I'm just glad that I had the chance to figure some things out during spring break and to realize that one of my greatest fears isn't a fear of mine anymore.