Whistles, Churches, Cancellations

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail.-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today has been pretty crappy. I should revise that sentence, tonight has been pretty crappy. Today was great until about six o'clock. Three separate events happened one after another. Originally I wanted this blog to be about what inspires me for that day, and what makes me a better person but I feel that this is important to write even though it is only ranting. So if you don't want to read ranting then I suggest reading another entry or clicking next.

On a normal day I would have been able to handle all these events without a problem. But I was being a female and just emotionally unstable and they just piled up and I just exploded. Not only that but I picked at them and found reason to dislike them even more.

The first thing that set me off was a rape whistle. Because of the assaults that happened on our campus, our campus bought whistles and put them out for people to grab in case they ever get assaulted.

On a Normal Day: I wouldn't really mind this. I would think that it was awesome that our campus was this invested in our safety. The whistles are really shiny and that would distract me for a while, plus I'd have the urge to use them but not really because they're emergency only whistles, that would be a little awkward if I tested it out and people came to help him.

Today: I was pissed off. What kind of world do we live in that I have to have a whistle on my lanyard incase someone decided to jump out of the shadows and assault me. It's dumb that we (women especially) have to watch our backs all the time, we can't leave drinks empty because people will slip things into them. Whenever you walk alone at night you're constantly looking over your shoulder because they're creeps out there that don't give a damn that you are a human being and that they will hurt you all they care about is their own pleasure. ((Insert the rest of the feminist rant here))

The second thing of today was Churches. A highschool in Oakdale is putting on the Laramie Project. For those of you who don't know what the Laramie Project is I shall give you a little background, for those of you do congratulations but you're still going to have to read this background story. The Laramie Project is a theatre group that went down to Laramie Wyoming to interview people of Laramie about the murder of Matthew Shepard. Matthew was a homosexual male who was beaten and tied to a fence post and left for dead. The story caught national headlines. The theatre group did many interviews about the aftermath of the death and wrote a play based on the 200+ interviews. So this highschool is putting on this play. And then the Waboro baptist church puts on their website that they are going to protest at this play along with other conservative churches around the area. They are boycotting the play and telling students who go to that school not to support the other students in the play!

On a Normal Day: I would be a little upset by this story. But find it awesome that so many people are supporting this school and the students who are doing this play. Most of the students of that school are outraged and going to support the play. I would attempt to get a ticket and go to the play to support those awesome students.

Today: I was pissed. What right does that church have to come and protest! It's not like the play is saying that homosexuality is A-OK and let's just have gay sex everywhere. It's talking about murder people! But obviously these churches think that the fact that Matthew Shepard was gay is much worse than the fact that he was beaten and murdered. Not only that but churches are annoying. I have many bad experiences with churches because of the issue of homosexuality and the fact that I don't agree with them. I've got kicked off a worship team, told that they couldn't help me unless I decided to change my lifestyle. Had my parents called in for a meeting with the elders, had the youth pastor talk to me. Then I went to a different church, someone said in that church that if you're gay you shouldn't be coming here. They wanted to kick me out of the youth group. They wanted to have a sermon solely on homosexuality and how it's a sin. They sent a CD to my parents about an ex-gay behind my back. And so much more, that's just a few things. Basically these things have messed me up for life. I'm no longer comfortable walking into churches, I don't dislike Christianity as a religion I dislike the people who follow it. I could go on forever. The bottom line is all those memories came back and began to pile on and just weigh me down. I don't know why I remember them, maybe I'm a masochist and I like feeling the emotional pain and self pity. Maybe it's so I never forget the grudge I have against the church. Or maybe it's because I know these events made me a stronger person and shaped me into the person I am and proud to be, and forgetting seems to forget who I am and what I stand for.

The third event is that this play I'm in called The Raft Of the Medusa got canceled. This play was about people who have HIV/AIDS and are dying. It's extremely powerful and I suggest people to read it ((Though watching it is far easier to understand)) It was amazing. I worked with the most amazing people and I had so much fun. It made me more aware of the fight against HIV/AIDS. I knew about it before, but being in this play just brought it home. The play was canceled because people dropped out, showed up late or didn't show for practices. So not enough commitment though there were a number of people committed and that was awesome.

On a Normal Day: I would be able to say okay. I'm sad to see it go, but if no one is committed to being in it then we gave it our best shot and it didn't work. I'm glad to have the chance to be in and learn more. I wish I could be superman and pull this thing together but that's the way life roles.

Today: Just more upset. I've been looking forward to this all semester and I really wanted to do it. A lot of other people were disappointed and hurt, the student who was directing it sounded extremely disappointed/devastated. I'm extremely sad to see it go.

So that was my crappy night in a nutshell. It feels a lot better to just write about it and let it all out.

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.-Harvey Fierstein