Frustration

Why is it when you're frustrated all you want to do is cry...or maybe that's just me. I hope it's not just me because then I'm an emotional mess, and I like to think I'm pretty emotionally stable. Today has been a good day but there's these moments today where I felt my eyes tearing up and all I wanted to do was let them loose perhaps with angry ranting and swear words. I probably looked like these following people;

Note the swear words and the needed cup of coffee in the photo's above. 

So what made me almost cry today?
Well my frustration started with realizing that my prospective student had taken my cell phone charger when she had packed up to go home. Which means guess who's cell phone less? Yep me. You never notice how much that bothers you until you don't have a cell phone. The reason I needed my cell phone was because my dad was going to come down to change cars with me because my car has a dead battery, but without a cell phone how was he suppose to tell me he was down here? Well he didn't come because Minnesota decided that March 23rd was a great day for a snow day so he's coming down tomorrow. And I just keep staring at my phone hoping that with my jedi mind tricks someone might call me on my room phone. Though only two people have my room phone number and that would be my mother and my boyfriend, either would be an amazing call. I think it's because I have so much to rant about I just want to talk to someone, so it might be a good thing they're not calling me because all they'll get is a very angry Beka. And that's not a good Beka.

So in the middle of my day I went to my macroeconomics class and my teacher gave us this worksheet. Which I stared at for five minutes before even bothering to pick up my pen. I've never took economics in highschool so taking it in college just sucks. Anyway we're on this chapter which has a bunch of math problems and I've been so focused on my Bible class I haven't kept up with the reading. I can't learn stuff through a lecture, I need to be able to read the chapter and understand it, my notes from the lecture just reinforces that learning. But I haven't been able to sit down with the chapters yet so I have no idea what is going on. So I started trying to figure it out because sitting there is not being productive and I feel my eyes tearing up. I don't want to cry, all I want to do is figure out those damn problems and have them make sense. So I'm hanging my head making sure my bangs are falling in my face so no one else can see this pathetic show and Charlie looks over and asks if I'm okay? Which just makes me feel worse because first he caught me, and second because all I'm going to do is slow him down because he gets this stuff and he'll have to take time to help me. Which in all honestly isn't going to help because I haven't had time to figure this stuff out. So I shake my head and tell him to continue on, which of course he doesn't listen to me! which is actually more frustrating because I don't want to bring him down with me. But I let him help because he's determined to help. So he's helping me and we are just finishing up problem one when the teacher comes around and asks where we are and I'm just like, really, really world? You must hate me. And my prof tells me that I should be farther and I just want to growl and tell him to leave but I don't I just listen as he hands me back my paper and I continue on attempting to do the homework assignment I don't understand. 

And than I go back to my room after class today and take a seven hour nap ((Which feels like I didn't sleep at all because I think I'm getting sick)) And when I wake up I go to find my wallet, and it's missing. I just ordered domino pizza last night, I was holding my wallet in my hand, and now my wallet is gone and I have no idea where it went. And I just want to scream and cry and rant, but that's no productive. So i tried being productive, I searched under my bed, in my bed, on the desk, on the shelf, in my drawers, on top of my closet, in my purses, etc. And nothing! It's just gone and I try to tell myself not to worry but in two days I need to drive home for spring break and in a week I'm going to Florida so I need my ID and without my wallet I don't have an idea. And I just want to cry once again. I still haven't found my wallet, I have given up and just hope that within the next two days it shows up otherwise I'm screwed.

I hate the helpless feeling of losing things or not understanding. It frustrates me probably because in that moment there's nothing you can do about it. You're absolutely helpless, you can try to be productive and plug ahead but that really isn't going to help your situation. When I'm frustrated I try no to scream, rant, swear, and cry I try to figure it out, or search for something calmly but that never works. Probably because I'm human and emotions override logic even though we hate it.

So I'm just going to go to bed and hope that tomorrow is better and that I find my missing wallet, because right now that's the most pressing concern.